upon a time there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans.
She loved them but unfortunately they had always had a very embarrassing and
somewhat lively reaction to her. Then one day she met a guy and fell in love.
When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, "He
is such a sweet and gentle man, he would never go for this carrying on."
she made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some months later her car
broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country she called
her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home.
On her way she passed a small diner and the odour of the baked beans was more
than she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she
would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home. So, she stopped
at the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of
baked beans. All the way home she putt-putted. And upon arriving home she felt
reasonably sure she could control it. Her husband seemed excited to see her
and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table. She seated herself
and just as he was about to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone
rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned. He then
went to answer the phone. The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting
her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was
out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and
let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running
over a skunk in front of pulpwood mill. She took her napkin and fanned the air
around her vigorously. Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three
more, which reminded her of cooked cabbage. Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation
in the other room, she went on like this for another ten minutes. When the phone
farewells signalled the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times
with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling
contentedly to herself. She was the picture of innocence when her husband returned,
and apologising for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked, and she assured
him that she had not.
this point, he removed the blindfold, and she was surprised. There were twelve
dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a "Happy Birthday"!