is an actual job application that a 17 year old boy submitted to McDonald's
in Florida...and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!
Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
position: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available.
If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first
salary: ,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance
package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
position held: Target for middle management hostility.
Less than I'm worth.
notable achievement: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
for leaving: It sucked.
available to work: Any.
hours: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
you have any special skills?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate
we contact your current employer?: If I had one, would I be here?
you have any physical conditions that would prohibit you from lifting up to
50 Lbs?: Of what?
you have a car?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do
you have a car that runs?"
you received any special awards or recognition?: I may already be a winner of
the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes.
you smoke?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.
would you like to be doing in five years?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously
wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since
sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
you certify that the above is true and complete to the best of your knowledge?: