Just as Billy Joe is about to make love to his new wife for the first time, she stops him. "Wait, Billy Joe. I just thought you should know... this ain't just our first time... this here is my first time ever. I'm a virgin. I been savin' myself just for you."

"Whut you say, Mary Sue?"

"I said, I'm a virgin. One hunnert percent cherry. Just for you on our weddin' night."

"Yore a VIRGIN??"

"That's right. Please be gentle."

"Gentle? Gentle my arse. I'm outta here!"

With that, Billy Joe pulls up his pants, and leaves his virgin bride lying alone. He slams the door, jumps in his pickup, and drives back home across the tracks.

"Paw! Paw! Wake up! Yore not gonna believe this!"

"Huh? Billy Joe, whut the heck you doin' here? It's 3am on yore weddin' night! Why the heck ain't you and that purty new wife of yours in a haystack somewhere?"

"Paw, I wuz all set to do just that, when Mary Sue up and tells me that she's a virgin!"

"A VIRGIN?"

"That's right, Paw. One hunnert percent cherry. As soon as she told me, I got the heck outta there as fast as I could!"

"Well, son, lemme tell you, you did the right thing... Cuz if she ain't good enough fer her own fam'ly, she certainly ain't good enough for ours!"